This all begun after I decided to make changes in my life, such as giving up drinking. As the main focus of giving up drinking was to improve myself love and confidence. I found that I did not feel confident with my appearance, if I did not have hair extensions in or I did not have my nails done. But not only did they need to be done, they needed to be perfect, as I would critic them constantly, always looking down at my nails or fiddling with my hair so it was perfect. I put such a high expectation on myself for perfection that even when I did have my hair, nails and make-up done, it was still never quite good enough.
I begun thinking about how much money I was spending on my appearance, how much time I spent worrying about my appearance, and questioning what it would be like if I just became comfortable within myself without these additions. This of course did not happen over-night, it was a process. A process of thinking about it, then questioning everything I was doing, creating an open mind to change.
After months of contemplating about how I would feel not having extensions in, I had them taken out and for the first time in my life I had my hair cut short. I always felt that without my hair extensions I would not look feminine, and that I would not look attractive. BUT instead it actually gave me a sense of freedom, for the first time in 8 years of having hair extensions, I was comfortable with my own hair. I worried less about it being perfectly long, creating a whole new feeling of feminine for me. Then there came more confidence in myself and the way I looked, feeling confident in not having that expectation constantly, also creating a new perfect for me.
Then I stopped getting my nails done, accepting them in their natural state. Which was actually a struggle between my personality and my logical mind. I knew that I did not need to get my nails done to accept the way I looked, but for a long time my outfit did not feel complete without them done. And still nearly 2 years later, if I am feeling tired or down about the way I look, I easily switch into that mindset of feeling like I am not presented well enough without my nails. Just like my hair extensions it also gave me a sense of freedom, releasing that expectation of myself, to have everything perfect. I have learned to love my nails as they are and accept my body as it is naturally.
I started realising how much I relied on my out side appearance to feel good about myself, always worrying about what others thought of me and never feeling like I was meeting my expectations. I was worrying so much about my exterior I forgot about my interior, with focusing so much on the exterior I constantly could find things that were not up to my standards and expectations. But once I let go, I started to notice the things I did like about my appearance, and growing my self-love. This was all just the beginning to my self-growth and awareness to what is really important in life.
Thank you for reading.
With love, Kaylie xxx